Pull The Trigger
by AnniexSkye
Summary: "I grabbed the bullets for the gun, and put them in, one by one." THREExSHOT. A traumatic event that happens to Clare leaves Eli questioning if his life is even worth living. How will things turn out in the end? Bad summary , just read.
1. The Sky Is Crying

**Author's Note: So, this is a THREExSHOT I'm writing because I'm trying to get over my writer's block for my other story. It's kinda depressing, but that's what I get for listening to Pull the Trigger (also known as Russian Roulette) by Rihanna all day. So obviously that's the song that inspired this story. If you haven't heard it I suggest you do. But anyways, as I said before I'm trying to get over my writers block, so sorry if this sucks. Enjoy, if you can and review please.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or Russian Roulette by Rihanna. **

I looked down at the item in my hands. It's silver metal glistening in the moonlight that shined through the curtains. I was standing in my room, examining the object I held in my hands. My parents were gone and would be coming home sometime tonight. I was thankfully they wouldn't have to be here to witness what I was about to do.

I wouldn't have to do this if she hadn't left me. If she was still here I wouldn't of ever purchased the cheap piece of metal that took the lives of others every day. She was my everything and now she was gone.

_Why me?_ That was the only thought that ever ran through my mind now. It was like I wasn't meant to be happy, because whenever I was, the happiness was instantly taken away from me. At first when Julia died, I was hopeless, I thought I would never be able to be happy again. I mean, I loved her, and without a warning she left me, alone. She was just another corpse beneath the earth.

And then came Clare, the blue-eyed beauty that saved me. The girl I trusted with all my secrets. The girl that brought the happiness back into my life. The girl I was in love with. She was the reason I smiled every morning I awoke. And she was the only to show me that it was okay to move on. I had never met anyone like her before, and I knew I would never meet anyone like her again.

Now she was gone. And my life was worthless.

I felt my back hit the wall, and I slid to the floor, gun in hand. Tears falling freely as I remembered the events that only occurred four days ago…

"_Eli, I have to get going now, it's pretty late."_

_Clare had spent the whole day at my house since my parents were gone on a business trip and wouldn't be back for 5 days. I didn't exactly want her to leave._

_I sighed, "Do you have to Clare? It's only…" I paused to look at the clock, "8:23, just 10 more minutes!" I pleaded._

"_I'm not even supposed to be here right now Eli. Remember what happened last time? I was only 15 minutes late and my parents grounded me for two weeks!" I frowned at the memory. Clare's parents had told her I was a bad influence and banned her from seeing me. Of course, Clare refused. _

"_Okay fine..just, one more kiss?" I gave her my best puppy dog eyes. She smiled and her eyes lit up. She approached me, placing a small, chaste kiss on my lips. She sighed, "Goodbye now Elijah." She put on her shoes and pulled the front door of my house open. I don't know why, but at the moment every part of me had this worried feeling that Clare shouldn't be walking alone tonight._

_Before she could leave I asked, "Clare, can I drive you tonight?"_

"_Eli, if my parents see a hearse in the driveway, they'll know it's you. They think I'm with Alli right now. Besides, you know I like walking at night, I find it refreshing."_

"_I know, but…something inside me is telling me that you walking tonight just isn't the best idea.."_

_She walked up to me and placed a small kiss on my cheek, "I'll be fine Eli."_

_I sighed. I knew I wasn't going to win this argument, though I still had that sickening feeling inside my gut._

"_Alright, fine Edwards. Let me just walk you out, it's the least I could do." She smiled and nodded her head. I grabbed my blazer and reached for her hand, interlacing our fingers together. _

_The night air was cool, and the only light was coming from the streetlamps. _

_I walked her to the crosswalk infront of my house, although in silence. After the signal appeared that it was okay for Clare to cross the street, I hesitantly let go of her hand. She gave me one final kiss goodnight, as if to reassure me that everything would be okay._

_I watched as she crossed the street, the figure of her body slowly fading into the background as she continued the short walk to her house. Every inch of my body screamed at me to run after her, to make sure she got home safe._

_I stood there for a couple minutes, contemplating whether or not I should make sure that she was out of harm's way._

_I glanced to the left, then right making sure there were no cars coming. I quickly sprinted across the street, then started speed walking. I hid in the shadows, knowing Clare couldn't have gotten too far. I was right, after about 10 seconds of __**very **__fast speed walking, I finally saw Clare, earbuds in both ears and ipod in her right hand. She was untouched and perfectly safe. _

_Of course she was safe, why wouldn't she be? Leave it to me to freak out over nothing. I chuckled silently to myself and retreated my way back to my house. As I was walking I felt a droplet of water hit my forehead. Clare would always tell me that when it was raining, it meant the sky, or god, was crying. For some strange reason, at that exact moment, I believed her theory. Don't ask me why, I just did._

_My house was finally coming into view when I saw a car speed by, way past the speed limit, whooshing cool air into my face. I rolled my eyes. Stupid drunk. Then I remembered, CLARE! She had to cross the street a few times to reach her house. Without a second thought I started to run. The rain was getting harder and I could feel my hair getting soaked, but that didn't stop me. I had to find Clare._

_I knew I was overreacting, I knew I was being silly. Just because some drunk was driving while Clare was out all alone didn't mean something was going to happen to her. But then the feeling that never left was shouting at me to run faster, to find Clare now._

_My feet were aching now, and still no sign of Clare. 'Maybe she's already home' I thought. But then, as I continued running I saw the taillights of the car up ahead, still driving of control. Then I saw a small dark figure…Clare, getting ready to cross the street. _

_She had her hood on, as the rain was now pouring and she stepped foot onto the wet street floor, oblivious to her surroundings._

"_Clare!" I shouted. She hadn't heard._

_The car was only a few feet away from her now._

"_CLARE!" I screamed as loud as I possibly could, my feet pounding against the pavement as I tried to reach her in time. It was no use. _

_The next thing that happened, I know I will never be able to be forget._

_She finally stopped, right in the middle of the road. I saw her take off her earphones. She turned around slowly, her eyes widened in horror as she saw the car inches away from her. It's headlights colliding with her body.._

I snapped out of my flashback. I realized I was now sobbing while I reminisced in the terrible memory that was now etched in my mind, haunting me.

I looked down at the cheap metal that was gripped tightly in my hands. I squeezed it even tighter, turning my knuckles pale. I looked back up and reached to the dresser beside me. My hands wandered around the top of the dresser, shaking furiously while I found what I was looking for.

I grabbed the bullets for the gun, and put them in, one by one.

_Take a breath, take it deep  
Calm yourself, he says to me  
If you play, you play for keeps  
Take a gun, and count to three_

_I'm sweating now, moving slow  
No time to think, my turn to go_

_And you can see my heart beating  
You can see it through my chest_

_And I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving  
I Know that I must pass this test  
So just pull the trigger_

**A/N: There's chapter one. Leave reviews telling me what you think. Don't worry, you'll know the rest of what happened to Clare in Chapter 2, which should be up soon. **


	2. You Are My Life

**AN: This is kinda (well actually, this **_**is)**_** a filler chapter. It's kind of letting you know what happened after the car hit. The next, and final chapter will be **_**very **_**long, so be prepared. It will have Adam, a heart necklace, a man that owns a gun department, and more tons more Eli tears. :( Anyways, here's chapter 2. Enjoy and review! P.S. I totally loved Eli and Clare in the new episode :))**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk.**

After 30 minutes, I was still sitting in the corner of my room, sobbing. I just couldn't believe she was gone. I remember seeing her lying in middle of the road, her body limp. Lifeless. Blood surrounding her, staining the concrete of the street.

I remember every detail of that night. Running up to her, lifting her body off the floor. Wrapping her in my arms while I screamed for help.

Her eyes were barely open, and the rain was soaking us both.

"_Eli.." She whispered._

"_Clare! Please don't leave me, please!" I cried._

"_Eli, I'm sorry, I can't.." Her voice was getting quieter now, her eyes slowly drooping shut._

_I tried holding back my tears, but it was impossible. I knew there was nothing I could do to save her. I saw someone on the sidewalk standing there, shocked. I could see them pull out there phone and call who I assumed to be the police, but it was no use. By the time they got here, Clare would already be gone._

"_Clare p-please. You can't do this to me, I-I love you! That's why you can't leave me. I'm nothing without you." My voice was cracking. I had never told Clare that I loved her before, but I knew that I did. That I always have. That I always will._

_I continued just staring at her, my vision semi-blurry. The eyes I had loved from the beginning were dull and grey, trying so hard to stay open. Clare's beautiful bouncy hair was matted against her forehead from all the rain and blood. Her plump pink lips slowly, but barely curved into a small smile_

"_I-I love you too Eli" Her voice was barely audible now, and her once present smile was gone within 2 seconds. I knew she was slipping away._

_I noticed that there was now a circle of people surrounding us. Most people were standing there, shocked to see the scene that was unfolding. Other's had a tear or two sliding down their faces as they saw the 17 year old girl slowly lose her heartbeat._

"_E-eli?" I looked back down at Clare, my heart aching._

"_Yes Clare?" I responded, each one of my tears making a splash as it hit the street floor, along with the endless rain. I had to stay strong, or at least try._

_I heard sirens in the background and after a few seconds, Clare's angelic voice spoke._

"_P-promise me Eli, that you won't stop living your life. That you'll still be happy after all this is over. There's still hope out there for you and I know that you can make it through this. Don't distance yourself from the world Eli, please. J-just.. please, promise me. " I gripped her hand tightly,_

"_I promise Clare." She gave me once last smile, a tear sliding down her cheek._

"_Goodbye Eli…I love you.."_

_She took her final breath. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and slowly closed. Her hand, still in my grasp, grew cold and I knew that was it. She was gone._

"_Goodbye Clare" I whispered.._

_And right at that moment, the ambulance arrived._

I will never forgive myself for that night, because I knew it was all my fault. I knew I should have driven her home. I knew I shouldn't have let her walk in the rain, alone. How could I have been so careless?

I pounded my hand against the wall in frustration. I was no longer crying, now all I felt was anger. I hated myself.

Then I remember the promise I made her…how was I supposed to keep that promise? She wanted me to keep living my life. To be happy. But she'll never know. She'll never know that in the moment her hand hit the wet pavement, my life was gone. And my happiness was gone with it.

_If you'll be my star  
I'll be your sky  
You can hide underneath me and come out at night  
When I turn jet black and you show off your light  
I live to let you shine  
I live to let you shine  
_

_But you can skyrocket away from me  
And never come back if you find another galaxy  
Far from here, with more room to fly  
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by_

**A/N: This chapter is meant to be short, it's only a FILLER! Like I said earlier, next chapter will be very very long, I swear. I mean it's the last chapter and it kind of needs to be long so yeah. But anyways even though this was a filler I think it sucked. The ending was really bad and it was rushed, so I apologize. I guess this writer's block will never pass. Oh welllll. Leave a review or no update. Tee-hee just keedinnn, I'm not **_**that**_** selfish ;) Oh, and listen to the song I quote at the end (Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk) It's an amazing song! Hah, review and I'll update ASAP :)**


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